ON ENERGIES OF THE SELF

sometimes i think it's love, and sometimes i think it's a furor of expression or of the need to express. really i think they come from the same place. really i think they're kind of the same thing. whatever it is, it has the effect of making me feel as if i were rolling down a hill, never stopping; anticipating where i might land or what tree i might roll (fast) into. the anticipation directs the manner of the fall, and the speed and blur of the fall affects my response to whatever it is that i might hit. whether i hit it or not is not the issue. it's about the things that rush through my head and heart as i am seeing the world at 360 degrees and bashing my head into things; and it's about how i treat these things after they have rushed from my head or heart and into my consciousness. we're all rolling around together and in that way we are all side by side. 

these things are the plasma of the blood that keeps my ears pounding as i sleep, and when i feel love i feel its ability to be eternal, and i don't doubt that potential because i am not able to. and i have tried. but trying to squelch something like a fondness that exists in the heart, or trying to squelch that willingness to try to look at others' hearts, is something none of us should waste our time doing. it is a knowing that tells me of the worlds potential for absolute transformation. perhaps the transformation has already happened at the core of some of us, but we can't keep that to ourselves. 

i think human beings have a drive to create and build and discuss and love and screw and paint and sing because that thing - whether it is love or a creative energy - is something too magnificent to be snuffed or contained or enclosed. that's something worthy of absolute celebration. let's just stop worrying about the fact that we're all going to die and do what we can to make that feeling eternal, even if we ourselves cannot be.

i feel love and when i feel it, i want the whole world to feel it, and i want my fingers to channel it into everything they touch. when this doesn't happen, i try to lock it up, but osmosis is a reality and is not appropriated for science alone.